My story with Anxiety
“I had heard people talk about feeling anxious and thought it sounded a bit feeble, as though they were being weak”
Then, I found myself in a situation where my adrenaline was surging as though I were about to be run over by a car, that instant, all day and every day for months. This was a lot more than being a ‘bit worried’ about something.
I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. I couldn’t understand why this thing had landed upon me. I had no idea what to do about it. And, this was with a BSc (Hons) degree in herbal medicine! I felt utterly under the control of this physiological happening and it was terrifying.
I lost a ton of weight as food looked like mud, tasted worse and the smell of it triggered nausea in me. I feared that I had broken part of my body’s functioning. It was desparate. I was desparate. And, nothing I did, or tried to get help with, helped me in any way. The first time, I am not sure how it went away but, eventually, it did and I became me again.
Recently, I have had a 5-day spell of the same feelings. I felt horrified when it kicked off, remembering that it went on for months. I had knots in my stomach, my scalp was prickling and cold, my body was gripped with vice-like tension and my stomach lurched at every thought which was anything other than as benign as ‘I’ll go and wash my hands’. My guts were gurgling. Food threatened to come back up. Anything smelly made me want to vomit. My stomach felt like it was in my mouth all the time and the area of my chest around my heart chakra was prickly and it felt prickly down my arm too.
Being a well-resourced person, I upped my Magnesium dosages which felt good. I had a shiatsu appointment to clear some of the energy and tension. I made up a Bach Flower Remedies combination which was very holding and supportive. I put together herbs to calm my nervous system, nourish my adrenal glands and bring me a sense of being loved. They all helped massively and got me through the day, enabled me to function. BUT, I was still in the grip of this frequently surging adrenaline-anxiety and its symptoms. I could bring them down but not ‘get rid of them’. I couldn’t seem to stop them being triggered. I couldn’t find a place of personal safety which allowed my body to stand down. To stop preparing me to fight or flee for my life. And, I was exhausted. It is exhausting feeling as though you are constantly in peril.
So, what did I do? I used EFT-tapping. I worked with a colleague and we tapped together on the feelings in my body, the things I thought might be at the root of it.
And, we got there! I had that moment of clear revelation when you know you’ve hit the nail on the head. It took one hour. Just one hour. It’s not always that quick but sometimes, it really is.
I won’t go into the deeper details but suffice to say, it was linked to an event in my past which was so powerful that it made me feel incapable of making decisions for myself. That I needed approval for everything to be sure of not getting it wrong and that this single episode in my past had such a grip on my subconscious that it had the power to leave me a quivering mess. And, I really felt a mess. Such an incomprehensibly out of control mess.
The beauty of EFT-tapping is that alongside finding this very core event (which triggered the unconscious belief that I was not capable of making good/right decisions for myself), I could tap on the feelings, the sensations in my body and release them. Some things didn’t go right away and the day after I was left with some residual bodily sensations. But, most importantly, when I awoke, I wasn’t frightened, I wasn’t cowed, I felt elated. I felt that sense of freedom that comes when you are unshackled from an invisible weight which has held you down for decades. Held me down.
I love how powerful EFT-tapping is.
If you would like to work on the things which are holding you down, keeping your body in a stuck place, get in touch.
Tags: adrenaline, Anxiety, Bach Flower Remedies, despair, Fear, feeling stuck, fight flight, getting it wrong, Herbal medicine, magnesium, nausea